I was wondering if some of my politically minded friends could help me out. I'm in a bit of a quandary in this election season. I can't figure out if I am a libtard or a conservanazi. I know that comparisons are odious, but these are labels so it's OK.
I've been looking at famous libtards and conservanazis in current events and history but it isn't doing me much good. They just refuse to fit the mold!
There's that libtard, Barack Obama, who's prosecuted more illegal wars than conservanazi GW Bush. And libtard Hillary Clinton who chortled gleefully over the death of a world leader by rectal rape by a sword. There's a real man.
Of course, there was that conservanazi, Ronald Reagan, who used diplomacy and discussion with Mikhail Gorbachev to end the cold war and usher in peaceful relations with Russia. Reagan wanted to just end the cold war, not win it. What a wuss. Today's real politicians would never stand for that. You can't show weakness, after all. One wonders how things would have gone if the US had been the one breaking up into regional republics? We may get our chance to see one day.
Libtard Jimmy Carter instituted the Carter Doctrine, which states that the Middle East is US strategic territory. The US is authorized to pursue any means at our disposal should there be any threats to "our" oil supply. Now that's gunboat diplomacy! Trump beware!
Conservanazi Richard Nixon opened the doors to China as well as created the Environmental Protection Agency, thereby denying big companies the right to dump toxic crap wherever they wanted. Hippy. Old libtard JFK stood nose to nose with Nikita Khrushchev during the Cuban missile crisis and put a man on the moon. Dreamer.
And don't forget conservanazi Dwight D. Eisenhower. He warned us about the unchecked power of the military industrial complex. I bet he was a draft dodger, too. Where would we be today if we listened to his advice, I ask you? Things would be much different! Speaking of hippy commie types, marine general Smedley Butler, after almost 40 years of service, gave a talk called, 'War is a Racket', where he claimed that every war he had fought in was not to defend America and preserve the lives of Americans. They were all to rough up third world countries to be exploited by big business. The same General Butler was approached in the 1930's by John D Rockefeller who was representing his day's one percent. He wanted Butler to stage a coup d'etat against the Roosevelt administration. They wanted to turn the clock back to when America was great. You know, when your food could be poison and your wage was not enough to live on? He wouldn't do it. Something about democracy or decency or something. Get a job.
Speaking of Roosevelts, there's Theodore. He stormed San Juan hill, like a good military man. He turned out the army to liberate slave camps in Arizona run by JD Rockefeller. Gee. That's the same JD that wanted to overthrow the American government a few decades later under Teddy's cousin, Franklyn! What a coincidence. JD was such a joker! But Theodore also created the National Parks system. Landed his head on Mount Rushmore, wire rims, grin and all! Didn't he know there's profits in them thar hills?
Don't know where to place Teddy. Maybe he's a tardnazi?