Friday, August 12, 2016

Pokemon for Politicians

Don't like your opponent in the town council race for dogcatcher? No problem. Listen on!

Having trouble gaining popular support for your presidential bid? Easy. Have I got a strategy for you!

Do you have well thought out responses to major issues that have long histories and complicated solutions that require compromise and cooperation between numerous, often conflicting parties that are willing to sit down and talk to each other? Pussy. I've got nothing for you.

I've got Putin Go!

Just add a Vladimir Putin icon next to your opponent's picture in a political ad or real life appearance. That last one can't be done but noone knows the difference. Just keep saying it. Soon people will think they can see "Putin Go" thingeys hovering around real candidates in the real world! Believe me, people are that stupid. You don't need an iPhone to be an idiot.

No answers? No problem! With Putin Go you can paint your opponent with the broad strokes of the Iron Curtain creepily reaching emaciated fingers over Europe. And an important country like America, too! Putin Go! Your ticket to Soviet era propaganda! Remember. They're the bad guys. Not us!

"Wow! I just caught 19 Putins hovering around Donald Trump!" "That's nothing. I just got a dozen hanging around Clinton's head and another ten around her butt! Thank God we don't have to listen to, like, debates or anything."

That's right, Buffy. You don't have to listen to, like, debates or anything.

Putin Go! Formerly Stalin Stupid, Brezhnev Bad, Khrushchev Klutzy, and Trotsky Terrible. Void where prohibited, which is nowhere. All's fair in love, war, and politics. Reference to actual issues and possible solutions strictly forbidden. Putin Go! A total subsidiary of GlobalMegaMergerCorp, where we make good things for ourselves. Fuck you.