Wednesday, September 7, 2016

The Art of Propaganda

This text is from a parchment found in a dig in the Stur-Fri region of China. It was written by one of the dimmer bulb relatives of the brilliant strategist, Lao Tzu, during the Pork Dynasty in the turd century, BVD. It's hardly relevant today, but has a curious nostalgia about it... Submitted for your approval...

The Art of Propaganda
Jon Tzu

Have an enemy. If you don't have one, make one.
Divide. Conquer. Repeat.
Just as in real estate, in politics the rule is: Chaos. Chaos. Chaos.
Orwell was an amateur...
...and an optimist.
Blame the enemy for all your mistakes.
Make more mistakes.
Make more enemies.
If you don't have an enemy, what's wrong with you?
Look incompetent. Land your intention.
Make more mistakes.
Make more enemies.
And whatever else you do, stomp hard on dissenters. Politics has no room for reason. Reason always yields to politics. That's what boots are for.
'They' are always wrong. 'We' are always right.
Claim victory. Always.
Et cetera, ad infinitum. And then some.

And when you are finally found out, as you always will be, claim you were part of the opposition all along. Act enraged. Enact war crimes tribunals. Incite the masses. Invoke justice. Hang some people. Impale others. Shun pitch forks. And lamp posts.

And remember the lesson of history... People don't learn lessons from history.

Then begin again.