Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Another from the Stuck Together Parody Company

Comrades, our handler, Vladimir, is giving to us secret way to be identifying each other without the giving away of our evil hacking. No-one will be suspecting, da? We can be continuing the bringing down of the capitalist pigs without getting ourselves into the water that is being hot.

No-one will be more of the wise guy. Is good, nyet?

Saturday, December 16, 2017

A Lot of People to Hate

Quite frequently you will see Facebook entries which are some picture accompanied by a pithy statement, usually derogatory towards some group or person. Sometimes the picture is a personality like Gene Wilder or Patrick Stewart in an exasperated expression. Sometimes it’s just a phrase in sound bite form. Usually these Facebook bumper stickers are non-sequiturs. I saw one the other day which was a condemnation of religion. I suppose this was a Jack Chick style irreligious tract. I was just going to pass by it with my usual, why do I bother? shrug, but I started thinking (a bad sign.) This one said that the dark ages were caused by the ascension of Christianity. This was just monumental in its ignorance. In one sound bite it managed to insult three groups: Christians, historians, and scientists. Truly impressive.

The dark ages weren’t quite as dark as the popular Peoplepedia would have us believe. There was the Holy (sic) Roman (sic) Empire (sic.) (Sic’s courtesy of Mark Twain, who said it was none of the above.) Charlemagne instituted some very important reforms during that time, such as crop rotation and the miniscule font, saving money on expensive parchment. Yes, he was interested in preserving and obtaining knowledge.

The remaining bastions of learning in the west were in places like Paris, Venice, and Edinburg and were founded as religious orders and maintained by the Church. And the eastern, Byzantine empire flourished for another thousand years under the Eastern Orthodox Church. Much of the ‘lost’ knowledge of Greece and Rome just migrated into the Middle East and was taken up by Muslim, Christian, and Jewish scholars. Eventually some of it found its way into Moorish Spain. After the Moors were driven out of Spain by El Cid and his mob, Spanish Jews were granted asylum by the Muslim caliph in Baghdad. So much for the misconception that ‘those people have always been fighting.’ Christian scholars flooded into Spain to raid the libraries, bringing the wonders of Aristotle and the rest into the depressed west. Catholicism, after all, had been richly inspired by Plato, a pagan, and sorely needed the upgrade.

It was another Christian, Saint Thomas Aquinas, who integrated Aristotelian philosophy into Catholicism, paving the way for our scientific forefathers like Roger Bacon and the Renaissance they pioneered. And this is a very small list, but still bigger than a bumper sticker. Just saying ‘Christians do/did this terrible thing’ is rather bigoted, wouldn’t you say?

So, still thinking, I realized that there are names for people who hate certain groups indiscriminately. Some are:

Misogynist – Women.
Misandronist – Men.
Sexist – Either sex for the other, ironically making the term itself very inclusive.
Anti-Semite – Jews. Also anyone criticizing the secular state of Israel. (Unless you’re Jewish. Then you are a self-hating Jew.)
Russophobic – Russians.
Homophobic – Gays.
Islamophobic – Muslims.
Trumpophobic – Trump supporters.
Paganphobia – Country dwellers.
Polisphobia – City dwellers.

I’m sure I’ve left numerous groups out and will be called a derogatory name for it.

So what about all religious people in general? Would that be Religiophobic? That’s a lot of people to hate.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

The Stuck Together Parody Company

From the Amalgatoasted, er, Conglomerblasted, um, Stuck Together Parody Company.

This parody brought to you by Unsubstantiated News. Unsubstantiated News, bringing you complete drivel since Adam framed Eve.

President Hotwire sits down and fires up his favorite news station, Brer Fox News. His favorite news commentator is on…

This is Guy Smiley bringing you the news you need to swallow uncritically. In economic news, Illegal immigrants, Donald Duck, José Carioca, and Panchito Pistoles, escaped Mexico and illegally entered the American Pavilion! They immediately seized all cast member jobs and switched the wholesome healthy, Fructose Shakes and Spam Burgers in the now called ‘canteen’ to tequila and tacos. Some of them have something called ‘fish’ in them!

And it is rumored, so you can bet your vanishing paycheck on it, that unrepentant Bolshevik and baby eater ‘President’ Vladimir Pushpin has invaded the Ukraine pavilion and is installing hacking devices which he can use to control the American Experience True and Accurate Accounting of American History show. And any reports that there is no Ukraine pavilion are fake news. We should know!

Great Britain has started dismantling the bridge between it and France while trying to purge half of the Irish merchandise from its gift shop. Just watch it, Scotland. They are also trying to figure out how they will be able to tolerate Norway, Italy, and Germany.

Canada remains boring.

The rest are pretty much third world countries that we don’t know anything about or really care about because, well, America!

In financial news stockades and bondages are going up! Shares of the Dismay Company are hot items. All major accounts from retirement funds, the Social Security ‘trust’ funds, and three little piggy banks have been embezzled into its stocks. Remember, where there’s Dismay you have no say!

The rest of the world is plotting against us, as usual.
Good night and stay terrified.

What’s that? My producer has informed me that Brer Fox News was NOT part of a recent sale to the Dismay Company.You never heard any of this.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Just in Time Thinking

I was at a database conference once in Salt Lake City. The keynote speaker was an original engineer on the Apple Macintosh project. Something we all associated with excellence. I expected insight. I expected inspiration. I expected next generation thinking. With a glow of geek gold.

He came down the isles as he spoke about his dedicated team and their one of a kind project. I could see him. Look into his eyes. As he started to say, “The most important thing is to move your new product to market...” Yes, yes? Move it to market what! When? Only when you know it is done? Only after exhaustive testing, vetting, and all around bullshit banishing?

“...knowing full well that it has flaws. You can fix them in V2.0.”

My face fell. Huh? I'm glad you don't build software for nuclear power plants. This went against everything I had ever learned about anything. Ever. And when you fix the known flaws in V2.0, what about the new known flaws you just introduced? The ones you know about but leave in situ for V3.0? Just sell the sucker your bag of magic beans then sell them the next upgrade over and over again?

Don't blame Trump for the lack of clarity of thought. He's just the clown showing us all what fools we have become. He's the president for our times. The president of the people. We hate him because he shows us, us. You don't like Trump? Then don't be Trump.

In some circles it is considered bad form to check for spelling and grammar in your posts. Why? If you're into that anal shit then you're obviously not getting your shit to market in time. It's all about just in time thinking. It will all be forgotten in an instance, anyway.

Better illiterate than irrelevant.