People on the Move are Having Great Movements.
Amid rising concerns of imminent energy shortages, inventers
have been called upon to rise to the challenge and create, once and for all, an
omni-potent, ever-lasting source of energy for our burgeoning society. Flying
cars don’t lift themselves up, nor do moving sidewalks move unaided. It takes
imagination and gumption to fuel our ever changing world.
Famed inventor Thomas Edsel of even more famed big brain
research center, Ohno Park, has unveiled his latest miracle of science and
technology. While addressing the problem of powering all of the gadgets
overflowing his workshop, he had an inspiration from Nature, of all places.
“With all of the light bulbs and electric nose hair curlers
in my shop, the power requirements were growing exponentially,” he told this
reporter. “And we all know what that means. A brick wall of progress just might
be in our future.”
Don’t worry, fallout friends. The good inventor was just
setting the stage for a play on our fears. He went on to assure us that brick
walls can be breached. Always have. Always will. And what does Mr. Edsel have
in his breaches? I’ll let him explain.
“I was walking in the garden by my workshop pondering the
energy problem when I got an inspiration from the most unlikely source. Nature!
I saw a tree and remembered that plants can transport tons of water and nutrients
from their lowers roots to their highest leaves, a feat that must require a
tremendous amount of energy. Surely we can better that!”
He went on to describe his latest invention. An invention of
inventions, of sorts. The Capillary Recycler And Processor. This device uses
the energy of capillary action to generate a virtually inexhaustible supply of
clean, safe and friendly energy. It employs thousands of nano tubes made from
carbon fibers and Helium-3. Water is drawn up from a reservoir at the bottom
and used to power pizo-electric generators, micro turbines and chill beer at
the same time. Mr. Edsel has constructed a prototype and is happily sipping his
chilled beverage of choice as I write this. Isn’t technology delicious?
Mr. Edsel is in the process of setting up a pilot plant in
Bedford Falls, NY to ramp up construction. He is calling his company CRAP-Tastic
Industries. I know I can’t wait to be parted from my money for this one way
ticket to the future!
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