Did everybody see the Oscars last Sunday? I’m just joking. Did anybody see the Oscars? If you missed them, let me sum of what’s left of the vital statistics of the Silver screen.
Best Actor for Dr. Tony ‘Flip-flop’ Fauci for his dystopic epic, The Mask of A Faucillado. An entire country is cemented into a chamber resembling their own living rooms next to a case of syringes labeled, “Best Not To Use.”
Honorable mention goes to The Invisible Candidate about a founding father who was exhumed and ran a successful presidential election campaign. The Invisible Candidate also won the awards for best special effects, best sound editing, and best visual effects, and best performance by a dead body.
The 93rd Academy Awards presented by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences opened their honorarium with the new rendition of a favorite old song:
Goodbye to HOL-lywood,
That wokey, badly brokey HOL-lywood.
Where any inside hack or deadbeat actor can be a factor,
With just a self-righteous jeer.
And any self-aggrandized Karen can leave ‘em starin’
At what? That’s never quite clear.
Goodbye to TIN-sle Town,
Where you’re an expert even if you are a clown.
Where warriors for so called justice can swoon and dust us,
Of every last dime we own.
And as you dress in silk and satin, your wallets fatten,
There’s more virtue to be shown.
Hooray for Hollywood,
That phoney super-Coney Hollywood.
They flood the stage like rank cockroaches, in beads and
broaches,
To let us know they are sheik.
And lecture us on this and whatnot, to show they know not,
A single word that they speak.
Goodbye to HOL-lywood,
You may be stupid in your neighborhood.
But if you have to share a grand opinion, on every damn
thing,
You know what you have to do.
If you can never be persuaded, or stand upbraided,
Then this is the home for you.
Farewell to SAT-tire,
That snuggly, so butt ugly SAT-tire.
The way we always used to mock the faux-pure, the high and self-sure,
To keep them all in their place.
Remember Messrs. Brooks and Alan, they kept us laughin’,
Please bring back Ricky Gervais!
Hurray for HOL-lywood,
Go away, HOL-lywood!
