Snow

Jeesh! I was supposed to have a dentist appointment yesterday. I had a root canal in November and saw my dentist in December. He cleaned out the elevator shaft the root canal guy left in my tooth and packed it with more antibiotics, gun powder, and butter. Or maybe just some battery acid and vermouth. I don’t know what he was doing. I was pretty drugged up by then.

And he didn’t want to see me again for three months. He wanted to be sure that all of the nasty microbe critters in the horrid depths of my dead tooth nerve canal thing were scattered on the plains of dead things so my jaw can be infection free. Don’t ask me. I’m not a doctor. And the worst bit was that I wasn’t allowed to chew food on the right side of my mouth. Do you know what it’s like to swallow half chewed food? Any chip, any nut, any bit of underdone potato, any genetically modified protein could crack my tooth open and send me into a spasm of dental dementia. Best not to risk it. 

 

So I called the dentist’s office and begged their leave that I would not be there. I felt a bit apologetic since I was supposed to be having a dental procedure on a root canal. “OK,” the receptionist said. Let’s see… We can get you in tomorrow for your cleaning.” “Cleaning?” I said. “I thought I was getting a filling on the tooth that had a root canal last November in the Dentist’s office that Jack built. I saw the doctor in December and he said he wanted to see me in three months to finish the filling.” 

“Nope,” she said. “You are just scheduled for a routine cleaning today. Let me see if you have any other appointments…” Musac… Elevators humming… Time passing…The world ends… Another begins… Life goes on…

“Nope! That’s all you got. Today is scheduled to be a cleaning for your filthy mouth.” I may have added the filthy mouth bit.

“OK,” I said, still not sure about what she said about my mouth. “I may be able to get my car out of the driveway this afternoon. Do you have any cancellations?”

“Well, I’ve got an opening tomorrow at 9:45.”

“Great. I’ll take it. And what about the root canal?”

“Oh, we’ll take care of that tomorrow.”

And I went back outside and tried to wrest my car from the slushy jaws of March. No dice. Or traction, either. I’d just slosh back and forth, back and forth, wheels spin one way, then the other. The car doesn’t even bother to act like it’s trying any more.

Out. I had carved a path to the road by hand, since my snow thrower had bit the snow last year. It had to go so I had to shovel by hand. Not something I feel comfortable doing. Specially dealing with March snow. OK. I shoveled to the road, throwing all of my suicidal tendencies against the last bulwark of snow thrown up by the snow plows at the end of the driveway. Four feet of watery concrete that melts in the sun. A barrier that can destroy a luxury liner. And then be gone as if it never had existed.

And now it is today. My driveway is still snowed in. About 10 inches. I tried to dig my way out of yesterday’s attempt to dig myself out, but I just couldn’t get it all done in time to get to my rescheduled appointment. So I had to call and beg for another reschedule!

We had about a foot of snow. I would have been more than happy to sit inside and read or watch the snow build up on my driveway like shaving cream on a hot fudge sundae. But I had a dentist appointment. I dug myself out, enough, I hoped, to get out of the driveway. And I almost did it, too. I got to the end of my driveway but there was always someone coming from one direction or the other and I lost my momentum. So I'd back up 20 ft to do a run up. One time I just got hung up in some slop. I strayed a bit off the tire tracks that offered some sort of footing and into some actual accumulation of snow. It was around 40 degrees and the snow was 20% snowcone, 80% lubricant, 100% obsticle. Whenever I shoveled snow from around my tires, an avalanche of slush rushed in to take its place with an even more elusive road surface. So there I stayed. I had to call in for another appointment and abandon my car. Luckily, it was abandoned in my own driveway.

Today, I managed, using some planks, to dislodge myself from the quicksnow that I was rapidly sinking into and escape my driveway. I'm sure I saw some snow crocodiles nipping at my Pirelli's as I bolted out of the mire. Damn New England.