Hurray for Democracy!

I remember Don Imus making jokes about Donald Trump in the seventies. Back then he was a buffoon with money. Daddy used to send over some goons from Manhattan with briefcases stuffed with cash once in a while and buy a million dollars in chips from one of Trump’s garish casinos in Jersey. They’d take them and then dump them in the Hudson. That was his first lesson in Quantitative Easing, I suppose. Modern Monetary Theory ala the Donald. For the next forty years Trump just dumbed around getting more and more ridiculous while most people were settling comfortably into middle age. And just when we thought it could get no dumber the last four years happened…

I was thinking of naming this column something like ‘Requiem for the Republic’ or ‘Government’s Last Gleaming’ or whatever but that seemed too melodramatic. Governments come and governments go. In the end they all succumb to political entropy for much the same reasons. They just run out of steam, and money, and can’t even keep up the pretense anymore.

It is said that rising empires are all unique and excitingly creative. Failing empires are all the same and painfully dull. Well, except for the wars. Here we are.

Lately I’ve been noticing articles by Soviet era intellectuals commenting on the similarities between the panicking late Soviet era and the west today. Back then intellectuals knew to toe the party line’s insecurity and the media kept pace with the party propaganda. That State insecurity had its finger on a trigger. It was a dance macabre of politics, academics, heritage, and so ial identity whirling, dervish like, around the same drain.

Every paper published, however technical or modern, had to end with a discourse on how the original party members; Lenin, Stalin, and of course, Marx; anticipated this. They knew it was complete propaganda, but they also knew that it was life preserving propaganda. Today academics, journalists, and politicians actually believe the drivel they spout. Two plus two really does equal five and you can catch more flies with peer pressure that with vinegar.

So in the spirit of War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, and Ignorance is Strength…

Hurray for Democracy!

Well, democracy's voice has finally been heard, whoever is actually speaking, unlike all of those other times someone else’s voice was heard and we had to hear about how hacked and rigged it was for four years running. All those people who voted for what they wanted and wanted what they voted for have been shown what for, never mind our Rube Goldberg electoral system. Not today.

We won and no one’s gonna tell us contrariwise.

This time for sure, Rocky! Now the 'right’ candidate has been groomed for installation by the well oiled and greasy gears of governance. We can tell that he is the right greasy candidate because he has already altered, reversed, overcome, vanquished, and in all other ways sanctified all of the ills visited upon the republic by the evil Orange Man Group. The system has been purified. Memory holes overworked.

Take as an example the past sorry state of our ballot boxes which have been magically corrected. They used to be easy to subvert. But not this time. There has been no tampering by Vlad the Votescaler. Cartoon Ivan has completely forgotten how to hack/influence/collude… fix elections. No more Russian… whatever. Because we got the right results this time! Or maybe Ivan lost track this time.

 

Mr. Peskov, “Mr. Autocratic President. Have you forgotten what Tuesday in November 2020 this is?”

Mr. Autocratic Putin, “That was today!?”

 

Russian hacking is so 2016. You wait. We won’t hear a peep about Russian anything. Until it’s time for the next defense bill.

They should have asked the DNC. Or Israel. AIPAC just buys off our politicians with our own money. Now that’s clever. Take that, Vladimirovich Commieovich Sonofovich.

We know the election wasn’t rigged this time because the Washington Post tells us so unlike last time when Russian conspiracy theories were all the rage. I’m looking at you two, Boris and Natasha. Next time you want to rig an American election, make sure you vote for the right candidate! Then it’s OK. So get it straight: Nobody rigged this election and it’s un-American to suggest as much, even committing the thoughtcrime of believing in voter fraud is opinion non grata. For this election.

Suggesting that bushels of mimeographed ballots, 100% for Biden of course, were queued and held in waiting for a Dumbo Drop upon polling stations at the exact moment when it would turn the tide of the election to the far more satisfying stamp of victory for our side was unthinkable, unacceptable, and mildly nauseating. Not to mention effective. I mean it. Literally.

Stop thinking those things. The Washington Post, Pravda on the Potomac, already told you what to think. Any thought contrary to goodthink is downright anti upstanding-American! Voter fraud is only OK when it works for us.

And only the wrong sorts of American’s voted for the other guy, anyway. Ones we don’t have to consider since they are all, you know, untouchables. Their votes don’t count. Literally. Well, aren’t counted, at least.

Except for those turncoat blacks, women, Latinos, and liberals who have slowly grown horrified at the fascism eating at the Democratic party and decided to go Orange. Those must be self-hating blacks, women, Latinos and faux-liberal misogyn-acists.

They obviously didn’t grow up with parents named Karen and Tina in their liberal suburbs. So there. Nobody defrauds our elections except us.

And the risk of Covid? Please. Now it’s Novid. Thousands can now join together, gather, weep and hug each other in the moment of spontaneous displays of sappy patriotism and bodily fluids. Thank the Corona gods these are not super spreader death zones like those seething petri dish pariah rallies for Amy Coney Barrett last week.

Who knew the virus was a democrat? Though it was considerate of Biden holding rallies where nobody showed up. Must be that virus again thinking about our safety.

And speaking of democrats.  Everyone’s favorite Mary-Sue House Elf, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, thinks those mean girl centrist democrats are making faces at her. They should be more progressive, like her. What’s wrong with those centrist Democrats who understandably noticed that they did not get any sort of Blue Wave of Self-Righteousness baptizing them as they were expecting and may have to actually get down and do the dirty work with the rest of America and even worse: Congress?

AOC doesn’t like any of that. She may even take her electorate and go home. And there it is. It’s come to eating our own already, eh? You usually don’t see political cannibalism until the latter stages of a revolution. The, ‘You’re not revolutionary enough for the Party,’ times. It probably won’t be long before the AOC Gulag and Glitter Guesthouses open. Remember what happened to Trotsky!

Even with all the money from Rupert Murdock and George Soros the Oligarchs still couldn’t deploy their Institutes for Kittens and Democracy to color revolt the blue wave that was supposed to happen. I guess ignoring the deplorables, insulting their culture and beliefs, and shutting them down at every corner has backfired. Who knew?

At least they got Creepy-Sleepy Joe for their money. Let’s see what they do with him.