Or. A Canticle of Christmas.
What’s the difference between an economy and a Ponzi scheme? One hasn’t crashed yet.
Looking for that special gift for that special someone? Can’t afford it on your Great Reset mandated Guaranteed Basic Income? Does your Visa and Master Card melt when you swipe them through the card reader? Do you own nothing and are far from happy about it? Tired of being on the slammy and slashy end of that hammer and sickle? Need a gift for Christmas but can’t afford the luxury items you deserve on your peasant income?
No problem! Here at S&G Boutique our trained specialists excel at finding you the exact bargain you are looking for. They will comb any deserted mall, midtown jewelry district, or unguarded window display, shopping list and gunny sack in hand, and shred every glass case till they make off with whatever expensive geegaw you want.
Need a $6,000.00 diamond tiara for that princess of yours? Just place an order for one on our website, www.FenceSG.com. Will you give a thou for it? Six hundred? Five? Bitcoin only, please. Or hundred dollar bills stuffed in a sock in a back alley. Just clean off the broken glass. And the sock.
Or how about that photography hobby you’ve been wanting to develop? Where else can you get a Hasselblad format camera for five hundred bucks? Selfies never seemed more synesthetic. Looking for a new Mercedes? Sorry. We only specialize in items that can be scooped out of shattered display cases and mad dashed away.
Here are just a few of the many testimonials we wrenched from our satisfied customers:
“It was great,” says one anonymous anarchist eater. “And so easy. The web site walked me through setting up an account. They even let me choose the stores in LA best suited to provide the items I wanted for Christmas or Hannukah or whatever. S&G Boutique sure smashed and grabbed my loyalty!”
“Couldn’t be easier,” says ‘Bugsy on The Rock.’ “It’s a crime! No, seriously. It’s a crime. I was sent up the river for less back when they used to arrest and jail people for shit like this.”
“It’s nice to live on the looting end of a failing society for a change,” says General Consensus. “Defending my country is for losers!”
“I’m a guy. A white guy, at that. And a baby boomer. I’m the trifecta of defecta. Don’t I deserve a lick of the underprivileged looter’s lolly-pop?” says Blue Collar Working White Guy. No. No you don’t, Currently Designated Nigger Guy.
And, “Are you recording me?” from Some Looter on the Street.
If you are into self-preservation, how about an AK-47? Oh, wait. Those stores shoot back. Just. No. Never mind.
Legal fees are never an issue for our field representatives. Or bail for that matter. Not since bleary eyed social redistributionists, non-consequentialists have commandeered the legal system. Void where prohibited and in Red States.
Shop today. The San Franciscan Smash and Grab way! And don’t look behind you.
Merry fin de siècle! Now run.
