The Next Revolution

After the last great plague in Europe in the fourteenth century, the population was decimated. Actually, decimated would have been better, since ‘to decimate’ comes from a Roman army practice and means to kill one in ten soldiers who were considered bad luck to the rest. 

You were forced to draw a lot and if you were among the one in ten who drew the bad lot, you were obviously unlucky and had to go, whereas in some places eight in ten died of the plague; an octo-decimation. And this included everybody, the lucky as well as the cursed, the one percent of the day as well as the peasants who were basically line items on the deeds to the property owned by the barons.

This produced a unique situation, unparalleled in history. The peasants were scarce enough to dictate to the nobility what they were and were not prepared to do and how much they were prepared to do it for. Imagine that? You no longer had to tolerate living in their isolated villages, communes, soviets, kibbutzim, hamlets, mill towns, suburbs, parishes, counties, satraps, hamlets, or any other socio-economic system where you were tied to the means of production for life. Soon after came the Renaissance, the Age of Reason, and the Industrial Revolution, consumerism, capitalism, and an expanded standard of living to baffle a pampered potentate. We could all live like barons now! It lasted for a while, I guess.

Now we have a government that wants to bribe us into remaining in our dependent state for a thousand bucks while at the same time telling us it isn’t that bad and we will all be singing hallelujah in the shoulder packed crowds come Easter!

Forget about checks. Who needs Socialist golden calves to worship? Redistribute wealth? Why bother. It will all gravitate back to the scabby sores of the ruling one percent, anyway, and we will all land back on their open air prisons sooner or later, like always. It’ll just be a new one percent, same as the old one percent. 

I propose something much more capitalistically inclined. CEO Redistribution!

We are approaching one of history’s extinction events, which will be followed by gross re-shuffling of life, the universe, and everything, massive suffering, quite possibly quite a bit of death, a re-calibration of priorities and values, and a new world standing in the ashes of yesterday. Maybe even another Age of Reason. We could use some reason right about now. It may involve pitchforks and guillotines. Or just a peaceful transfer of power, prestige, and personality from one set of psychopaths to another. Or the meek might just inherit the earth and find that it is quite accommodating. Whatever happens, it will be something different, and something the same.

So let’s get at it!

You! Over there. On the street corner smoking tide pods! You are now the CEO of Boeing. Go resurface some runways! That Fairfield County mansion isn’t going to opulent itself, you know. And the girl next to you with the acid hair? Your runway will be in Milan. Show the burgeoning nouveu-middle class how they’re supposed to carry themselves. Maybe you can create a fashion accessory based on the surgical mask.

You! In your parents’ basement. You are now the owner of Marvel Comics. Hell, take all of Hollywoodland. No-one's doing anything useful with it now. In the age of dwindling toilet paper, you can make propaganda movies to teach people what the left hand used to be used for.

You! Morally bankrupt SJW. You are now the president of a bank. Neither one has much value and is all about arrogant posturing, so you should be right at home. And not one of those whiny, small town, private S&L’s. Those went out with George Bailey. You are the president of the mega-hyper-greedy Croesus Interstellar Boom and Bust Company. Avoid the rush. Start demanding bailouts now. When infinite bailouts come from the Fed, evaporating goods and services will become infinitely expensive! Wouldn’t you like to own a bazillion dollar bow tie? Who wouldn’t!

The entire 2020 graduating class of the Krusty Kollege of Klowning and Kookery from Kookamunga, Kentucky! AKA American Academe. You can take all of the seats of congress, both House and Senate. Hell, take the Judicial branch, too. The Oval Office is taken. There’ll be jugglers in the isles. Volkswagens overflowing with chattering noise-heads. Hordes of Media Mavens misreading and misreporting it all. Hell, all that’s missing now is squirting lapel flowers.

You! Homeless girl living under a tarp. You can now start handing out TARP money that the country does not have, not just your own. Don’t try to burn it for heat, though. I hear it’s toxic.

As the papier mache temple of modernity collapses, let us deplorables give it a whack. And we might not even need a guillotine. It’s been done before... And before… And before… It’s always turned out the same, anyway. Why change now?

There’s only one question. There always is. Who is going to grow the food?

Hallelujah!