This is weird. A while ago I picked up my tablet and caught a quick glimpse of a notification. Rate your visit to some place I had recently been to, it flashed. I deleted it before thinking, so I couldn't look at it more closely. But then I thought. I had not been there with my tablet. Just my phone. How did it know they were both mine? And who knew? And why was it taunting me? We know where you always are, Number 6. I am not a number... I shrugged and went about my sordid business.
And another time I picked up my voyure engine and was greeted by the cheery message, Rate your visit to Safeway! Instead of deleting it along with the other messages about Youtube videos, Donald Trump tweets, and Burma Shave, I clicked on it. It was from that arch nemesis of anonymous, Google! Don't be evil? How about don't be sticking your ponderous programming proboscis into my business?
And now the nightmare begins.
What? No, I don't want to rate my visit to Dapper Dan's Dildos and Dominatrices! Or Weird Waldo's World of Weed on the corner of Stoner and High. What do you mean you posted to my Facebook account that I was just at Pussy and Pandemonium's Petting Palace? It's a pet store... Really... The animal type... No, I'm not into that!
Now, wait. I haven't been to THAT place in a long time. You can't prove a thing! That picture was photoshopped to look like me!
Mata Hari's House of Heavenly-that one's misspelled. It begins with "Wh" not just "H". Doesn't anyone take any pride in their peep hole gawking? Geesh! If Peeping Google's gonna evesdrop on my Telescreen, at least use the dictionary app.
Talk about omnipresent. God's got nothing on Big Google. What, Google? No, I wasn't talking to you!
About Me
- Jon
- I work in a State diploma mill in Connecticut, though not as an educational factory worker. I work in the computer center and used to be one of those mainframe guys. These computer-ettes still seem like toys to me (queue Grampa Simpson reference.) My bachelor’s degree is in Biblical studies, which means I worked as a cook after college while going to night school in a community college studying COBOL, Fortran and other variations of the Harappan dialect. After getting a real job I was able to continue my pursuit of worthless yet interesting information by getting a master’s degree in Anthropology. My thesis was a computer simulation of The Prisoners’ Dilemma and, yes, I wrote it on the mainframe. I’m a single parent who raised a daughter (said daughter now works in Boston.) Hobbies include woodworking (full shop in the basement, also inhabited by saw dust angels), community theatre (acting, stage managing, directing, cleaning the toilets, etc.), the Learning/History channels, some gardening, reading and asking ‘What if’ questions like, ‘What if the moon is NOT made out of green cheese?’
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