Hate Me Later

I’ve got it. I’ve been thinking of this for, like, thousands of years or something. It’s philosophical time, why not? It’s like Deep Thought, now that I think of it. The grand collection of billions of brains working trillions of brain-years on a simple problem.

Who should we hate?

Or, more specifically, what should we do with all of the hate that is already within us? I hate, you hate, and we all hate aplenty. There’s no besting the human race in the hate department. God, we hate people over chemicals in their skins. How mindless is that? And don’t pretend that you don’t. The hate’s there. Even when you play games that it’s not. You're not fooling anybody.

Why not put hate on a payment plan. I mean, that’s what we do with everything else, right? No money down? 30 easy payments? Monthly installments? Pieces of amortized cake? Buy now, pay later? It’s the American dream! All actions! No consequences!

Don’t like me? Fine! Hate me later. Your skin’s not the right hue to do? Well, I’ll hate you later. Right now we’ve got other cats to pet. I need to work with you even though you are a jackass idiot who probably, unjustifiable, thinks the same of me? Sure. I’ll hate you later. For now let’s suck it up and work together, OK?

You’re a woman and whenever some guy says boo to you they’re “Mansplaining?” Get over yourself, Sister. Just say, “Yes, Pal. I get it,” and get on with it. Hate the prick later. For now? Deal with it. She deals best who deals pragmatically.

You’re a guy and some woman’s giving you orders because she’s, like, the boss or something? Snivel on your own time, man-baby. Hate‘r later. Now? Do your fucking job like she’s fucking doing hers. And thank her if she’s a good boss. Those are precious hard to find, no matter what’s in their pants. Take orders from anybody who’s on your side.

They wear funny clothes? Guess what! Your clothes are funny to them. Hate them later. Right now, work together. Burka, pants suit, leisure suit, robes, burkini, butt naked. Who the fuck cares? Hate ‘em later. Now? Dig wells. Build schools. Bring peace. Hate can wait.

Can’t speak the same language? Find a new one! DeutchRus? ChinEnglish? FrancSwahili? You can certainly come up with common words for Meat, Bread, I love you, Look out for that bear! What’s your sign? and, Why did we used to hate each other, again? It’s amazing how flexible linguistics can be. Just follow Twitter. Hate? Hate can take a back seat to understanding.

If you’re an asshole and you happen to be black. Well, black, white, yellow, green, whatever. I’ll hate you for that later. Right now I just have to deal with your assholery, like every other asshole on the planet. That is universal. Color is incidental. And are you positive that the other person is the asshole? There are other candidates in the room, you know…

And somewhere down the line while we’re putting off all that hate to another day while trying to get along with and understand everybody else, we may just forget to hate anybody. Now wouldn’t that beat all?