From the Amalgatoasted, er, Conglomerblasted, um, Stuck Together
Parody Company.
This parody brought to you by Unsubstantiated News.
Unsubstantiated News, bringing you complete drivel since Adam framed Eve.
President Hotwire sits down and fires up his favorite news
station, Brer Fox News. His favorite news commentator is on…
This is Guy Smiley bringing you the news you need to swallow
uncritically. In economic news, Illegal immigrants, Donald Duck, José Carioca,
and Panchito Pistoles, escaped Mexico and illegally entered the American
Pavilion! They immediately seized all cast member jobs and switched the wholesome
healthy, Fructose Shakes and Spam Burgers in the now called ‘canteen’ to tequila
and tacos. Some of them have something called ‘fish’ in them!
And it is rumored, so you can bet your vanishing paycheck on
it, that unrepentant Bolshevik and baby eater ‘President’ Vladimir Pushpin has
invaded the Ukraine pavilion and is installing hacking devices which he can use
to control the American Experience True and Accurate Accounting of American History
show. And any reports that there is no Ukraine pavilion are fake news. We should
know!
Great Britain has started dismantling the bridge between it
and France while trying to purge half of the Irish merchandise from its gift
shop. Just watch it, Scotland. They are also trying to figure out how they will
be able to tolerate Norway, Italy, and Germany.
Canada remains boring.
The rest are pretty much third world countries that we don’t
know anything about or really care about because, well, America!
In financial news stockades and bondages are going up!
Shares of the Dismay Company are hot items. All major accounts from retirement
funds, the Social Security ‘trust’ funds, and three little piggy banks have been
embezzled into its stocks. Remember, where there’s Dismay you have no say!
The rest of the world is plotting against us, as usual.
Good night and stay terrified.
What’s that? My producer has informed me that Brer Fox News
was NOT part of a recent sale to the Dismay Company.You never heard any of this.
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