Sunday, November 18, 2018

Clicking Round the Internet


So. I was clicking around the Internet recently and I found this. A critical alert. Microsoft is issuing you a critical security alert, or so some random web site pop up box informed me. And we all know how accurate those are. There was even a mechanical sounding voice telling me how impressive it was and how I should attend to its every whim. Your computer is infected, it intoned. Ya? And which one isn’t? This is a message from Microsoft Security Central. Yadda, yadda. Prepare to be bored, um, boarded. Assimilated. Exterminated.

What the fuck? I clicked on an errant web site and got this? Very entertaining, now go away. Shoo!

Bo-bop, a re-bop, and I have a bunch of windows asking me for things. You’re infected! Click here to get over your computer chlamydia. Don’t even think of over clicking the close button here, bozo. Bad things are happening to your computer. Here’s another one hundred windows telling you how crashed your system is! Honest! Do you really want hexadecimal herpes?

Click. Ctrl-alt-dlt and I ended it all. Fuck you, Internet crap.

Except that it came back. Jeesh. What? Fuck! My internet engine is flailing shit in my face again? I get another flurry of uncloseable windows that refuse to do anything but go away. You’re computer is infected. Click here to talk personally with Bill Gates while he personally reams your PC pipe fittings. I have access to your camera and microphone, you know. And your PayPal account is looking rather unused…

And fuck you, too. Jerk. We used to have these things called computers…

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