Leaks

Glen Greenwald’s site had an interesting observation. Trump can declassify any tape recorded conversations of Trump Tower any time he wants. Just call up the NSA and say, Release the sounds! Well, we’re in luck! Wikileaks has just released transcripts of conversations obtained by DNC hackers of actual Trump conversations. In the interest of national security (and dramatic effect) they contain Trump’s side of the conversation only.

“Ya, I’d like to order a taco bowl to go. Deliver it to Trump Tower, golden suite. And no Mexicans… What do you mean you can’t get it over the wall…? Same to you! Jerk.”

“Hello, Vlad…? Ya. Good to hear from you, too. Nice job on the hacking… Oh, right. You didn’t do it. Wink, wink. I got it… Espionage? Ya, I know what espionage is. It’s when you do it with two Russian hookers, right…? No, YOU’RE sad! Loser.”

“…So after Brexit, where’s Britain going to go, anyway? They’re not floating over here… We don’t want any Mexicans. No Moslems. And no stranded countries coming to our borders… What…? I knew that.”

 “So, where’s my Mexican bowl?”

“And I’ve got one word for you! Make America Great Again.”

“Can’t you smuggle them up in a laundry hamper or something? I’ve got the Stoli on ice. And a clean mattress...”

“I got it... How to fix the economy, of course… It’ll be like a shell corporation… I’ve got tons of them, don’t worry. No one’s caught on yet… Of course it’s not illegal. Or not legal. One of those. We will call it the United States of Another, incorporate in the Cayman Islands, and transfer all of the money into that account… What do you mean, ‘What money?’”

“I don’t know.  Secretary sounds too female. And I can’t even grab their-What…? No, I want to call my cabinet members, Apprentices... It just sounds more subservient.”

“There are three branches to government?”

“Look, I know what to do about ISIS. I’m a brilliant strategist. No one strategists more bigly than me. I’m great at strategisting… Of course I’ve got experience. I learned everything I know about real estate from Monopoly, you know… Sure it’s the same, but better. Here’s the thing. All we have to do it capture their flag. Then we win.”