Credit Liquidators

                                                                        Credit Liquidators

                                                                        666 Mammon Lane.

                                                                        Bilderberg, Babylon. 66666

                                                                        April 7, 2018

Millard Fillmore

Or Current Occupant

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW

Washington, DC. 20500

Dear Mr. {Current Occupant},

Hmm. Mail call! What do I have here. Hey, I’m the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue! Let’s see what the personalized letter has to say to me.

            Would you like to consolidate your bills?

Would I!

We here at Credit Liquidators have a new credit card that comes in at a low, low, zero percent interest rate.

Wow!

Yes, Wow. And you have been pre-approved.

Of course I have! For how much?

You are pre-approved with a credit limit of one hundred trillion dollars.

That’s like. A lot!

Yes. It is a lot. And with this you can run your country recklessly into the ground for at least one more term!

Just one? Nah. I’m working on the Xi thing. President for life, suckers.

Well, good luck with that.

Hmm. The standard disclaimer looks… standard. Can pay in full, though nobody believes that ever happens… Sovereign Status… Big fucking army. Debt doesn’t matter when you’re rich… Put your military and your women down as collateral… Grind your poor into dust… Looks all in order.

Very well. Now, let me explain some of the advantages of using the Armageddon Advantage!

Armageddon what?

Oh, that’s just what we named the program. Catchy, isn’t it?

It reminds me of something. Something from history?

No, it doesn’t.

Of course not.

As I was saying, you get a 2% return on every war your charge. And 1% for ‘soft power’ expenses. Regime change. False flags. Outright lies. Botched CIA assassinations. Stuff like that.

Sounds standard.

And the Deep State has an unlimited line of credit.

They would.

Oh, and you’ll like this. You get a 50% CREDIT for every social program you decimate!

Really?

And time and a half for union busting!

I knew there was a logic to all this.

Yes… Logic…

You know, the busy executive and future emperor of the world has a lot of, shall we say, unusual expenses.

Not to worry, sir. You just need our Grand Cayman Islands ‘Gilligan’ feature.

What’s that?

It’s like a buffet. All the laundering you can eat!

Plus Lolita Island?

Goes without saying. That’s the ‘Ginger’ option.

Where do I sign?

We already have all of your information, Mr. Occupant. It seems that your dwelling place has quite a history with us already.

And once I’m in I can spend as much as I want? On walls? And sanctions? And wars? And on cutting Social Security and stuff?

That’s the idea.

Wow. And I’ll be a big man in your world forever?

I never said that.

How am I talking to you, anyway? Aren’t you just a piece of junk mail?

Some of the greatest adventures begin with junk.

Maybe I should ask…

Ask Mephistopheles.