First Buy

First Buy

OK. Mr. Loux. Everything looks to be in order. The State has approved your request. Here’s your ID. Welcome to our dispensary.

Ya. Cool. Where ya dealin?

Umm. The dispensary is through this door…

Ah. In the alley behind the building?

...what?...

Got it.

…Feel free to…

…Cool…

…Yes… Cool… Now if you just…

…I like the way you roll.

O…K…

I’m not a narc.

There aren’t any narcs here, Mr. Loux. This is a legal busin-

You won’t know I was here.

I do know you are here. I’m talking to you.

I’m anonymous!

You have a State of Connecticut issued ID…

Shhh! It’s a fake ID.

We have an account in your name…

I’ve had it since High School!

On the recommendation of a doctor…

Doctor Demento!

Doctor Bernham, actually.

The Candy Man!

That’s all well and good, Mr. Loux.

It says I’m 21 years old! And am able to operate a tractor trailer!

I’m sure it does.

Plus drink!

Certainly.

See this? There’s an insignia! From some company! Plus it says I can drink! And am of some legal age!

Of course…

So. How’s a guy gonna get served around here?

You’re embarrassing yourself, Mr. Loux.

I’m cool.

Of course you are. And your STATE ISSUED ID allows me to allow you into the store...

Ah. Gotcha, did I?

…to buy medical…

Whew! After all these years. I still got it!

…Mari-Look. I have other patients. We don’t have the time…

Time has come today!

…Time comes every day…

Coo-coo!

Mr Loux. You don’t have an appointment, but I think we have an opening.

Appointment? For a drug dealer?

Pharmacist, actually.

RRRRiiiighttttt. Pharrrrrrrmaaacisssssst!

…Gretchen! Can you please take Mr. Loux out of my hair-I mean. Into the back?

Sure. This way, Mr. Loux.

Ah. The carrier. Thank you, honey. Good bye, Mr. Pusher.

Uhmphf. Good riddance, Mr. Dumbass.

So. Mr. Loux.

Don’t be so formal. Mr. Smith will do.

OK. Mr. Loux. Let me show you what we have here for your selection.

Call me Jon.

Sure. Nice to meet you, Jon. I’m Gretchen.

Uh, huh. Nice meeting you, alleged ‘Gretchen.’

Right. There are herb teas and lotions, candies, and flowers that can be smoked or vaped.

Joints?

We’ve got those, too. It all depends on the percent THC or CBD you want.

Sounds groovy.

Yah… OK… There are topicals and inhalants… Sativa. Vapes. Flowers.

Can’t wait to burn some hash on my car’s cigarette lighter!

I’m sure you can’t.

Goes great with Chinese food.

In your car?

And Velveeta!

Yup. OK. Moving on. We’ve got tinctures that you can use in teas or cooking.

Brownies?

Sure. If you like.

But without the gritty texture.

No. If you don’t want…

Gotcha!

Now the vaping pen takes a cartridge of these types here.

It doesn’t make a lot of smoke, right?

Right.

Good. I don’t want my dorm mates knowing I have weed.

Sure. Why not?

And you say this is legal?

Yes. In the State of Connecticut…

For medicinal purposes only?

Right. This is for medical…

Because this is medicinal... Well, a few years ago I was seriously fucked up in a motorcycle accident that mostly killed me a couple of times or more, and next month I’m going to have my chest opened up and someone I don’t really know is going to stick sharp things into my heart. Otherwise, no. Nothing special. Sleep disorder, maybe?

I understand. That sounds awful. Now, back to the real world.

How much can I cop?

Cop?
Yah? A dime bag? A nickle?

Oh, you can legally get two and a half ounces every 30 days by State rules.

Sure. And how much oregano?

Our medical marijuana comes from trusted sources and it is tested.

Tested?

Yes. You can see the content THC and CBD on the labels.

Sure. With names like Maui Wowey and Vanilla Gorilla.

Well, some are fruit flavored.

Groovy.

You keep saying that.

I’m listening.

*sigh* Here you can see that we have categories depending on what you are looking for.

Like??

Some grades are going to give you a high. Some are going to help you to sleep. Some help with pain management.

But let’s say I’m having a party.

What?

And I want to put on a grand affair.

Wait.

And I invite a bunch of people.

Jon.

Eight or ten, say.

Jon, Jon!

And I want to put out some party favors of the High Times type!

JON!

Or the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers!

WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?!

Erm?

You can’t do that!

What?

This is medicine.

Oh, yah. Right. Wink, wink.

It’s prescribed for just you. It’s only for you. And did you just wink at me?

Yah. Tell my dorm buddies that.

No. Really. And have you had any actual dorm buddies any time this millennium?

Right. For medicinal purposed only.

Ye-es. That’s the idea.

Like those little brown bottles W.C. Fields used to take out of his pocket?

W.C… Who? Little brown… what?

Steal this book!

Ughk. Let’s go over this again.

I understand. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

I’m… not sure what’s wrong with your eyes and please don’t invade my space, thank you.

Of course. I get it. Wink, nudge. Nudge, wink.

Can someone just shoot me, please?

I’ve got the get myself…. Back to the Garden.

You do that.

Don’t Bogart that joint!

Uhgpfh! I could have taken today off. Or called in sick. Or died. That would have been better.

Chill out, darling. What’s your sign?

Heavy enough to whack you across the face.

So. What Little Magic Carpet Ride have you got for me, little girl?

I wanted to help people.

Coo coo ca choo!

Be available.

Make love…!

Practical.

Not war…!

But what am I? Just a smile. Two tits. And a solid nether wall of flesh with a willing cunt in the middle of it?

Love the one you’re with!

Come and get it! And cum!

White Rabbit!

But, no. I had to have a career.

It’s a hard a’rain a’fallin’.

Help people, I thought.

The words of the prophets are written…

Work with medical marijuana, I said.

…on the subway walls…

Be with people who are in need, I felt.

…and tenement halls…

Feel this.

…echo the sounds of silence…

You’re creeping me out.

Back in the U-S-S-R!

Yes, please. Go! Now?

In A Gadda Da Vida, Baby!

Security!

Don’t you know that I-Huh?

NOW!

E-Lec-Trickle bananas...

I could have been a prostitute.

Gonna be a sudden phase!

CODE PURPLEHAZE!!! We’ve got another acid head from the sixties!

‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky!

You can kiss my-

Lucy in the Sky with Dia-What?!

Jeesh! And I thought my Grampa was bad.

Errp?

That’s when they threw me out... The future is not what I hallucinated it to be. They call me Mellow Yellow! Quite Right-ly!

I could hear the whole building groan. Hey! Look at my vaping pen?

Groovy!